You smell like stripper and shame
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
