Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
