You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
