no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
