My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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