I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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