If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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