I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize