you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
