Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
