How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
