i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
