is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
