I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
