i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
