I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
