took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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