I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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