i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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