Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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