The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
