so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
