2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are your genitals available?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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