we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
