READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
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