matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
