Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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