i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
