I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
