I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
