well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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