Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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