And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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