3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
