What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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