Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
