So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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