So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
