Cold hands, warm shart.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
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I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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