allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
