Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
