You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
