I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
