My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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