i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
