So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
