I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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