so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
