i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
