YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
