From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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