i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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