I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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