i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
