i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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