Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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