you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
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