she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
This is my gift to your gina
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
