Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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