get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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