mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
