you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
