he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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