Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
