Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
