3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
