What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
