fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
