Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
