She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
