Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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