I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
