WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
