i just had sex bonerless
i just sent this text using only my big toe
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
