If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
