best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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