He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
