we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
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his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
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Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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