Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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