So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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