Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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