i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
