He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I have feelings that need drinking.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Randomize
