I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
