Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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