I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
