Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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