Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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