My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
