Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
